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Feb. 3rd, 2014


Depressed, Confused & Lost.....

Things haven't been so smooth between my boyfriend & myself recently & I think It's not only his stress / depression that's getting the better of him. I think it has to do a lot with his best friend of two years & myself. It's really a long story so I'll try to keep it short.

What happened was this, my bf told her about me, he was so excited to have me. We soon friended each other of fb & everything was great in the beginning.... until we met. After we met, things started going down hill. A big part of me believes that it's because she has feelings for him another part believes what my bf says she claims to have been worried about all along, us moving to quickly. Anyway, I kept feeling the tension rise & rise & rise, until, eventually she stopped talking to me all together. I then started to notice her status', whenever I posted something or made a note, she would make status' that just didn't seem right or conveniently timed. There was one in particular she posted that something very close to, "Did you ever have a gut feeling that you knew someone was making a big mistake & you couldn't do anything about it?"

My bf had soon after made a support group on fb & asked myself, Heather & her sister to join, which we did. I posted a recent experience I had with a kidney stone & how this specific hospital put me last out of everyone in the ER & at the time I was the patient who needed the medical attention. Heather's sister started insulting me & Heather found it amusing sort of speak by commenting with an lol followed by a calm down directed towards her sister who had just insulted me. My bf did come to my defense then. I tried to smooth things over myself by sending her an email that wasn't rude at all. I even had My bf read them when Megan said that they were nasty & uncalled for. He read them & said bullshit. But now, he's doubting that, as if he's in denial. I feel like he cherishes them more then he does me & at one point, he said he would sacrifice them over me because he didn't want to lose me.

Soon after that, things got so bad that they had asked him not to bring me when he went down to see them & then again when it was their turn to his see last performance of Les Miserables (which never happened due to a snow storm) my bf eventually got everyone on Fb to talk & that's when it all came out. Megan said she didn't like me from the start, that there was something about me. Heather stayed someone silent, but then blurted out that she didn't care about our stupid relationship even though that really wasn't the point of the talk. The whole point was to try & smooth things over. My bf had become the middle man & I didn't want that for him. I tried to keep peace, I tried to make suggestions, I never once (even though I wanted to in the worst way) said anything rude or hurtful. Megan however, kept insulting me, cursing at me, she even told me to Shut The Fuck Up. Greg came to my defense then & that's when they stopped talking.

Two months passed & then Heather called apologizing to him, but not to me. She inquired if we were still together, but that was about it. I did get upset because I feel that I deserve an apology for the way I was treated. He & I had gotten into a fight, now, just the other day, he accused me of lying to him. Heather, Megan & their mother said that every day in November I sent her nasty emails. Believe it or not, I have every email I ever sent her still. I looked back & none of it was true. It was all good up until I had a mini break down & HEATHER inquired about it. I started to talk to her about it then I went off topic because I was afraid that I had scared him off because of my mini break down. No where in there was I insulting, rude, etc. When she didn't reply & something happened been said between Heather & him that he told me about, I confronted her & sent her an email asking straight up if I had done something, said something or if it was the fact that he & I were together because she was showing so many signs of jealousy when her & I first met. The only issue in that entire email I could see was at the end when I explained that I wanted to keep peace between her, her sister & his gf (me). I even showed these emails to my bf, but he doesn't believe me I guess. He kept saying that they would never lie to him, but they did I have the proof right here. And that they, Heather, who he's been friends with for two years, have acted like his anti-depressants & that when she called & said sorry to him & that she missed him, he started to become his old self again......

I love him so much, I know he is the one I want to be with. Me makes me feel like no one else ever has, we have so much in common, but I feel like his love for me now is dying. I'm going to try to confront him tomorrow by showing him that they lied. But idk how he's going to take it. What if I lose him? Things have been changing between us, he's been snappy, he's been distant..... I love him. I would do anything for him, even sacrifice my own happiness. My mom sees it, but I'm afraid that he doesn't see it anymore nor feels it anymore. Before he couldn't wait to marry me, he talked of children & consistently "liked" things that I directed towards him on fb, but now .... it's like he passes it up & doesn't even care. He use to make time for me, MAKE TIME but now (disregarding the fact that he's got online classes) he doesn't seem to be trying. He even said that right now making me priority with everything that's going on considering his family & what not, isn't a good time. He also admitting to putting me last when he always tried to put me first. Those two things he said, plus, You Don't Know Me, were all on Saturday when he broke plans he made with me earlier in the week. Yes he seemed & I do believe he felt bad because he told my mother without me knowing & he told me that on Monday, tomorrow, he wants to try to make it up to me. I also asked if he was still In Love with me & didn't just love me, he said yes to that too.

I really need some advice.... No one has ever made me feel the way he has. I see myself completely different now because of him, but now it feels like I"m losing him.... I'm losing his love. Again I say that I know he is perfect for me. We have more in common then I could ever ask for with only a few minor differences that wont even effect a relationship like I like horror movies & he doesn't. I feel like I'm losing apart of me .... the best part. I can't even describe how I'm feeling, that's how much I hurt & how scared I am. If you have any advice, please I could use it.

I'm  desperate & in need of help before I lose him completely.

Jan. 25th, 2014



She has a boyfriend. I'm more confused at this point. As I said I would, I'm giving an update. After the acrimonious introduction of my last post, I'm expecting some contempt.

The thrust of my wingsCollapse )

Jan. 16th, 2014


I want to be done with relationships, but is it worth giving up now?

 I want to put this thought behind me and get some good advice about this.  I'm 25, have been married for 4 years, been together with my soon to be ex wife for 5 years and we have two kids.  Last year decided to separate due to my family not being the best in laws towards her and us losing our spark (most of it I blame it on myself).  She says I still deserve love but I have lost confidence in myself, heartbroken and I just want to give up.  I have ADHD so my mind is not firing on all cylinders all the time but thankfully I have my stress under control.  Plus I'm not a normal guy, I don't drink at bars I like staying home mostly to have a drink, don't like getting in fights (I'm not that strong even but I will defend myself if I have too), don't consider myself attractive, heck I have never been to a strip club (don't see a point to it really).  The only time I like to have fun is when I'm around friends I trust.

Even if another girl just so happens come into the picture close enough wanting to move forward with me, I feel like I'm going to be a wreck.  I won't try anything to push her towards me, I want her to be willing to come close on her own (not 100%, if I really like her I will put effort into it).
She has to be great with children because when me and my wife finally divorce were splitting the kids.  Lastly is to keep her FAR AWAY from my family as possible till they move to Idaho.  I can go on and on about this but I will stop it here.

Back to the question, when the divorce gets settled and the time is right is it really worth getting back out there finding someone when personally I don't think I deserve it but my friends say I do?

Jan. 15th, 2014


Are Divorcees the way to go?

In a recent article that caught my interest due to the fact I'm soon to be divorced, divorced men are a good catch.  It tells that divorced know about how to deal with arguments, their house trained, great in bed, responsibilities(especially when they have children), and know when to give notices when their going to be late.  All of which are good qualities, but I don't know any woman who would dare take on that challenge...not that I have been asking around.  I'm done with the relationship department for a LONG while.  And the same goes for men dating divorced women.  I wouldn't be shallow enough to not consider it if it ever came to chance but depending on circumstances.  So I'm just curious to hear on others thoughts about the subject whether or not it would be a good idea.  I'm not saying it's a bad idea, it may be a great idea and some people I bet have a great relationship with a divorcee but what do you think?

Jan. 14th, 2014


Single father, 29 years old

Tried everything from dating sites, to bar scene. Wondering if there was any other ideas I may try? Been in 1-3 month relationships ever since the 2002-2009, 7 year relationship I was in with my daughter/son's (she is 8 now and he is 10) mom. I'm just seeing if anyone could offer me some advice. This past year I had an two 2-month relationships that fizzled out and a relationship that lasted about half a month.

Jan. 13th, 2014


Ascension and Descent

I'm going to try my best to chronicle my efforts to ask out this girl I met at the gym. Normally I keep these things to myself for if failure calls me to the stage, I have an audience of none. I'm just looking for some female insight. Also posting this to my personal journal.

I originally posted this in another community about relationship issues but the she-Nazi moderator rejected it with a disparaging remark but no specific reason as to how I violated her rules. I'll just take solace in the fact that the only power she has is despotically ruling over an obscure internet community. Such a great asset to the world.

Short story long.Collapse )

Jan. 9th, 2014


(no subject)

Hi, I'm 23 years old and going through my first real break up.

I've broken up with people in the past, and it hurt, but this time it's different. This time the relationship ending was going on for over 3 years, we were living together, shared all our income, planned on having a family, planned on buying a home, considered each other's family our own family. Everything was lovely.

Basically, I need advice on how to deal with all of thse overwhelming emotions. I don't have many friends I can rely on, and unfortunately no relatives I'm super close with. Basically, my now ex was my best friend and my family.

Aug. 22nd, 2013



Could this been seen as flirting?

I work at a grocery store. One of my co-workers has become a really good friend of mine. We tease each other and we talk to each other. The other day I went through his line to buy a drink. I reached for the receipt before he could hand it to me. He tease me about saying he wanted to give it to me. Later when I was checking someone out he reached over and place the receipt on my counter. Could this been seen as flirting? He was also happy that I was the one working with him that night (he vocalized it).

Aug. 6th, 2013



Should I reconnect with him?

A few years ago I went through a difficult and confusing breakup with a coworker that left me really upset. He did it a few days after my birthday and a few days before final exams, so the timing really wasn't good.
One of my classes decided to go to Chili's after our exam, and while at the restaurant, I ended up chatting up and exchanging numbers with a classmate of mine I never talked to during the semester. He was very sweet and we seemed to hit it off. After dinner he walked me to my car and made like he was going to kiss me, but didn't and later apologized for it.
The entire next day we were texting back and forth. We were both bored at work and started talking about all kinds of things, and I ended up introducing him to dubstep. By the next day, I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I think at that point I'd realized that I had been on the rebound immediately following my breakup, and I was using my classmate to get me back up. When I felt better, I realized I didn't want to start anything with this guy or lead him on. I can't really explain it, but I just didn't want to talk to him anymore. I let him down and we stopped texting.
I've always thought about that and I still feel bad about using him and how things ended. I feel like he was too sweet for that, and it's crossed my mind several times to reconnect and maybe apologize and explain or catch up. I still have his number, but I don't know if he still has mine or if he changed his. I was never able to find him on Facebook, so this old phone number is all I have. I'm moving soon, so if I'm ever going to do this then it might as well be now.
I just don't know if I should. I might be doing him a disadvantage by dredging up the past, and perhaps some hurt feelings. Also I don't know if I should dump this all on him right before I move. It seems inconsiderate, but then again, using him was pretty inconsiderate too. I'm not sure what I should do.

Aug. 4th, 2013

public enemies


(no subject)

this isn't so much about a relationship problem as it is about a friendship problem, so i hope i'm still able to ask for advice here. i could really use the help.

this guy and i have been friends for about two years, almost three, and i met him through one of his friends that i was seeing at the time. our friendship has been very tight, and we've been able to talk to each other about anything and i've always been able to go to him for support and advice. we usually talk in some form at least every day (usually by facebook chat) either to have conversations or something as simple as "hey check out this link/picture/video."
we never hung out that much, though. between school, a job, hobbies, and a girlfriend, he's very difficult to see in person. usually if we make plans to hang out and he can't see them though, he'll tell me or ask if we can push it back to a different date. and this annoys me, but i get that he has stuff to do. on a couple occasions i haven't heard back from him at all regarding plans, but we've always been able to bounce back, and maybe talk about what happened.

a little over two weeks ago i was planning to give him a hand-drawn card and some muffins for his birthday. this of course requires me to see him in person to give them to him. so we made plans, which he pushed back because he had to go take care of his ailing grandpa. midnight of the day we rescheduled to i asked if we were still on for hanging out. to which i didn't receive a reply. this might not have been a problem if it hadn't become a near-expected thing of him to do, and i was frustrated. so i sent him a derisive message saying "i wonder how anyone plans anything with you ever" and closed the chat, waiting for a reply.
two weeks later, i'm still waiting. a few days ago i sent him another message saying "i still have your card. if you wanted it." and i still have yet to hear back.

i have no idea what's going on. i had stopped talking to him after that first message because i was angry and expecting an explanation for what had happened with our plans, but now he's not talking to me? i know he's seen my messages and i know he's on facebook. but i have no idea why he wouldn't want to talk to me. as far as i know, he's the one that fucked up, not me. i was trying to do something nice for his birthday, so i would think the least thing he could do is write back.

i'm moving six hours away in a little over a week, and i would hate to end this way. at this point i'm so frustrated and angry, i'm planning on throwing his card away, and i may or may not leave him a scalding message before i move. i'm just so done at this point. i just wanted an explanation, and instead i got this. i have no idea what to do. i thought we were closer than this.

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